Unexpected.

Never did I expect myself to be close to them in a way or another. But then, we still did and I’m glad we did.

Well, God sure has a lot of interesting plans. They sure brought a lot of joy into my life. I’m glad they did. :)

Quite a few times I always asked myself how a friendship will last.

A friendship built around Christ will last. But that I guess comes with a condition: we got to make time for each other.

Development occurs when we put time and effort into a certain thing that we want to develop. Left hanging, it’ll start to rust and eventually disappear or spoil.

Haha not the point.

But then, I’m thankful to this 3 friends in my life now. Bringing joy into each other’s lives everyday. Enjoying each other’s nonsense as well. HAHA! Can’t wait for the year to end. I wonder what will happen and when I look back at this post next year March, what can I say?

The horror, after 6 months.

Beep! Beep! Beep beep beep!!!

The whistling sound from the whistle of the 6 hour pacers frightened me as they approach me from the back. It was the sound of asking you to ‘push! push!’ I carried my legs to run, but it was too heavy. Gravity is holding me back. At that point in time, I feel like throwing in the towel. 28km.

It was a run that I can never forget. Never did I thought doing this alone was this tiring. I had a mindset that I want to spend time to hear from God in this run. Me, Glenn, Marcus, started this run at 1am. We were behind, at our own pace, enjoying the view and occupying the space. We were enjoying the slow pace that I set for the first 10km. Clouds started to gather, and as we approach Marina Barrage, it started to pour. Not drizzle, but heavy rain.

The rain was a motivation to push and keep running. ‘I want to get out of this rain and get it done and over with.’ - this was running in my mind. Soon, we were all separated. Everyone couldn’t bear to stop and stand under the heavy rain. Everyone just jogged. I told God ‘God, stop the rain.’ I didn’t get what I want. Instead, God told me ‘I am not going to stop the rain. I’m going to let it pour because I know if I stop the rain, you’ll stop and wait for them, and you will be distracted.’ It was getting personal. I jogged on. God kept on telling me ‘Go! In faith, keep going. Do not stop.’ Heavy rain accompanied by wind and God telling me to press on. It’s a test of my faith. I really doubted myself throughout. Can I keep jogging? I never see myself going beyond 21km non stop. I kept going. East Coast was a horror. I jogged, and jogged, and jogged. The marking they placed on every km is getting further and longer to reach. My mind started to manipulate me. ‘Cyril, you can’t do this. Your legs are getting weak. Stop. Can you feel the heavy legs?’ and on the other side, God’s telling me ‘Run! Do not stop!’ It was a test of faith. I got to go beyond my limits and believe in the supernatural. I should learn to obey. ‘In faith I can, in faith I am victorious!’. The words were in my mind. Soon, I passed the 26km mark. I jogged past the 6 hour pacers who were ahead of me. Slowly, my mind started to talk to me again. ‘You have exam this week right? The rain is so heavy! It’s not gonna stop and you’re gonna fall sick!!! Can you afford this?’ It was a heavy impact. I started to be distracted. God kept saying ‘Go!’ But I know that this is a risk to take. I stopped. I gave in. It was 27km. I walked, and think. Should I quit? I can’t take the rain anymore. It was windy, it was a downpour, it was cold. I wanted to give up. I lost my faith and didn’t trust in God. I was led to believe in my mentality. ‘I know’ shouldn’t be my mentality. I am very weak in my mind and heart. I slowed down. Soon, the sound of the pacers started to approach me. Marcus was trailing behind. He asked me to jog together. I asked him to go ahead. It was the breaking point. I couldn’t hold. I kept walking. I kept contemplating. ‘Should I give up?’

‘Why did you join the race in the first place?’ God asked me. It was a mental struggle. Why? Shirt? Experience? No. I was brought back to the very reason in the first place- I’m here to hear from Him, I’m here to conquer with Him, I’m here to rely on Him. I’m not here to quit halfway. I started the race. I should end it well with Him. I couldn’t just leave halfway because of myself. I need to step out of my comfort. With that, I prayed and I started jogging again.

It was 31km. It was the long stretch back to Marina Barrage. Horror #2. No hydration station, no place to rest. My mind started to play with me again. ‘You’re getting weaker. Stop. Rmb that time Standard Chartered, this person told you to stop if you cannot make it? Stop.’ I gave in and stopped. God asked me ‘Why did you stop? Did I tell you to stop? Run! I will provide, but you must obey.’ I should obey what God says, even though it doesn’t seem feasible because I have never seen myself doing it. It was a test of my faith. Will I obey? Or will I reason out and compromise? Just because I couldn’t do it? The towel was on my head, covering it. The rain started to get bigger, the wind almost blew my towel away. I reasoned again. After 2km of walking, I took my towel with my hand, squeezed dry it, and ran again. In faith I conquer.

I jogged, it was the 35km mark. The sound of the 6 hrs pacers in front of me can be heard. I jogged past them again. After awhile, I couldn’t do it already. This time, it’s not just my mind. Even my body is tempting me. ‘Stop Cyril stop.’ I cried out to God ‘God, I really cannot do it already.’ God just replied the same thing again ‘Have faith in me. Run, for I will provide.’

There’s always this moment where the physical tells you that you’re not gonna be able to do this, but in your heart, it says you can. This time, my physical and mental tells me I can’t, but in my heart, God says I can.

It was 37km. I picked up my pace and jogged again. But I stopped awhile. This time, Glenn jogged past me. It was at Stadium. It was a struggle. The cycle keeps going on. Soon, it was 39km. I was close to the finish line. I jogged. I prayed, and ran again. 40km, I found Glenn stretching by the side. I joined him and we both shared some of our learning points. ‘Let’s jog victoriously to the finish line from 41km onwards alright?’ ‘Any point in time I want to slow down, encourage me.’ We prayed, we committed our last 1.125km to God, and we started to jog. Run together. It was so timely. We jogged, and then we quicken our pace. We ran. The finish line was in sight, we passed the bridge. Victory was in front of us!!! We completed together!!! It was the happiest moment. Took our finisher shirt, went to queue up for massage, and went to change. It wasn’t a pleasant run. I feel like crying, I want to give up. But God taught me something valuable- to never give up and have faith. I was very amazed how I got the strength even after crossing the 21km run.

The rain taught me to press on even through hard situations. It was very tough. It’s like a heavy obstacle that God sent to test everyone who is running, not just me. It was a test on how strong we are, physically and mentally. I feel like giving up not because of the run, but because of the rain. But God taught me something valuable- why did I do what I do? Am I gonna give in because of the rain? I should let go and let God. Exams are important and yes, I can’t afford to be sick. But will I have the faith to believe Him who planned our future already and place our current situation under his hands?

I’m very thankful to Glenn, and although many times I didn’t make the effort to spend time with him, I’m glad he’s still running by my side. Don’t give up Glenn! Don’t overwork yourself! God gave us the gift to rest, and we must use it well. Jiayou!

In summary,

1) I got to go beyond my limits, my thoughts, what I only saw myself accomplishing and believe in the supernatural, believe that what I never did before, He will make it possible.

2) I am weak, but in Him I am strong. Only if I pray, and allow myself to be IN Him.

3) Obey in faith. Not possible? Just do it! He say so, I just obey.

4) Why am I doing what I am doing?

5) Never, lose faith. The mind will manipulate, but direct your focus back to God.

6) Running together. One will be lonely, but running with a companion encourages and motivates you on.

7) I don’t call the shots. God calls it.

8) The pain is inevitable in a 42km run. But HOW we respond to the pain is what we choose. Give in to the pain and walk? Or believe in the Hope that tells us to go on running?

Finishing the race is primary. We will finish the race so why worry? What’s most important is what happens IN the race. What are we gonna get out of it?

-David Hoe

I’m thankful to God that I’m well. I’m thankful that I’m able to study. I’m thankful that I’m able to be here writing this. I’m thankful that you took the time to read this. :)

Update

I think updating of lives is not for the comfortable, but for people who I want them to have an update of what’s going on in my life. I don’t share a portion to a few, and more portion to another few. That’s being fake.

Some take home point here. I was thinking about it when bathing.. Thinking about my friends again. Then suddenly this thought came: just update. Is there a need to “restructure” who I want to be part of my life? If we don’t open doors for people to step in, you have no rights to say no one wants to be your friend. Or rather, to say that no one cares.

Who matter to me?

Have a little faith.

I realise that I have so less faith.

Had a day today like any other day- just that I went Sakura to have lunch with my class. We had lunch with our PTN(Personal Tutor) like a form teacher. Then we headed back to sch to start off QR. thank God for Hanyang for coming down!! :)

Well. That was the day. I think for me, the most happening period will be night time. Many things will come into attack. Had an encounter of realization that my faith level is so low. Was talking to Seyong and I was telling her idk what to do. She told me to pray and have faith in God. Then don’t need ‘think’ what to do alr cos God’s gonna place wisdom in me. So after that sentence I went to stone for awhile. I was telling God ‘sigh. I don’t wanna do this. :/’ I feel so reluctant. But at the end, I gave a sigh, and did not breathed my last, but I prayed. Slowly I started to print indemnity form, chords, do my tutorial with discipline and I’m done! Feel so accomplished! Yay. :) thank God for her. I think this lesson really taught me about faith. Everything that I do, put a little faith into it. Little faith does not mean the weak faith, but to just start trusting from small, to trusting my all. Got to learn!

On the bus back after conference on Sunday, I was talking to Brandon. And he told me that he learnt how to serve others with the best that he could and to lead my own life from me. It really serves as a reminder. Plus ytd when I was telling Sichen chords, I was disgusted at how self centered I was. Because i’m plain tired, I became so full of myself that I just… Do what I want. Which shouldn’t be the way. I should go the extra mile for people with the best that I could.

Gotta learn to put others’ needs above myself. Despite the condition and my mood that I have at the point in time.

Ownership in my own life.

Faith. I need faith. To not just trust God only when in prayers, but in everyday. That God will provide.

That sigh, was like a expression saying ‘God, I’m letting go. I want to trust you. Hold me and teach me how to do so.’

Cyril

Drained Monday.

Physically and Mentally drained due to Aeronautical Engineering Science and Fitness Training Program. Woo. Feel the kick!

Randomly, I wish life was back at before, where social media’s influence ain’t so huge. Friendster was the Facebook back then, just that it’s more boring than Facebook which is quite boring as well. No twitter. Distraction free. Now it’s everywhere. Whatsapp, online chats. Now it’s also up to us. It’s gonna take discipline in this society to be the one controlling the social media, not being too addicted to social media. Made some decisions and I’m gonna be disciplined to do it!

Okay, now the only word I can think of is sleep.

"Dear God, Thank you for loving me and giving me your all. When I grow up, I will still be serving you .I want to know you more, i want to love you more. I will never forget you lord. In Jesus Name, Amen. - A Child Prayer."

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- (via ruminateoverthoughts)

Faith

Many times we worry about some things so much that it became the center of attraction in our life. So much that we forgot there’s someone supernatural that wants to help us and is there to guide us along, but only if we focus on Him and place our faith in Him in the things that seems to be beyond our limits. Many times our worries overcome the importance of trusting Him in our lives, only to remember Him again after the things we’re worrying about is finished.

Got to pray, pray for our hearts to be filled with faith.

I think Supernatural Conference really occupied my 2 days. I am worried for my test. I can say that for sure. I haven’t study for 5 weeks already. 5 weeks to study, school ends at like between 11-3pm for the week, and what the heck am I doing after that? I could manage myself more, discipline myself more to revise after 3pm, but I chose not to.

The point is not to condemn myself for bringing myself to not study for the past 5 weeks. But the point is that despite not studying, and having 1 week more to exam week, I am trusting Him that He will provide me even in this one short week.

I dare not say that I am that smart to complete this task by myself, but I dare to say that I am trusting in Him that as I study, He will provide me. As long as I give my best to Him, He will provide me with what I need. I know that as I put Him first and seek Him first, all things will be given to me as well.

God, I pray.

15 minutes, to settle myself before tomorrow’s conference. Expecting big, expecting supernatural faith and courage. Expecting God to use and speak to me supernaturally.